Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
