I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
