what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
