Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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