I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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