This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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