He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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