it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
