I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
