You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize