his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Your cock deserves a montage
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I deserve this hangover.
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