Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Can vaginas get frostbite?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
