how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
