were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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