started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
