thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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