I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
