haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
