There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
