Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
