Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i think i have two assholes
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
