Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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