Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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