she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
