You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
