best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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