I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
