His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
