You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
