i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
