still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize