wat bout pragnant strippers??
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
