And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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