would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
