lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
