good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
