Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
