maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
