No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
