just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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