i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize