If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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