chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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