I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You're breaking my sexual little heart
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
