I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
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