I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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