who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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