I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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