I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
