Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
