they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
