there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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