do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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