He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
