She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
