Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Randomize
