I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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