So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
