we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
