Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
