Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
