I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
