i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
