after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
