Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
