Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
