and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
