woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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