I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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