Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
