He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
